The holiday season is often described as “the most wonderful time of the year,” but for perfectionists, it can feel anything but. The pressure to create the perfect holiday, whether that means finding the ideal gifts, hosting flawless gatherings, or ensuring every tradition is carried out without a hitch, can be overwhelming. Instead of feeling joyful, perfectionists may end up exhausted, stressed, and disappointed when reality doesn’t live up to their high expectations.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way. The holidays are meant to be about connection, celebration, and joy, not about meeting impossible standards.
Here are some strategies to help you embrace the holidays with less pressure and more joy.
1. Challenge Unrealistic Expectations
Perfectionism thrives on unrealistic expectations. If you watch holiday movies, you may imagine creating a beautiful holiday experience that matches what we see in the media. It takes a crew to make those scenes happen! Ask yourself, “What am I expecting of myself this holiday season? Is it realistic? What is ‘good enough’?” If you find that your expectations feel overwhelming, it’s a sign that they may be unrealistic. Do an experiment: try scaling back this year. For example, instead of aiming for a gourmet, multi-course meal, focus on a few simple dishes you enjoy making. See if there is beauty in imperfection (the focus being on joy, connection, and family instead of unattainable standards). Perfectionism doesn’t aim for balance; it’s important that you balance what you want to accomplish and finding joy during the preparation and the holiday itself. That balancing point is different for everyone, but know that it exists! What is your balancing point? What is good enough? What truly matters to you?
2. Let Go of “All-or-Nothing” Thinking
Perfectionists often feel like things have to be done 100% right (to their standards) or they’re a failure; this is called all-or-nothing thinking or black-and-white thinking (the idea that if something isn’t done perfectly, it’s a failure). For example, if you don’t find the “perfect” gift for someone, you might feel like you’ve let them down entirely, even though the gesture itself still holds value. And, you’re not in their minds or in their hearts; it may be a gift that’s a wonderful fit for the recipient.
The truth is, good enough is good enough, and often, the perfect standard is unreachable (or, if the standard is met, the person thinks that the self-imposed standard wasn’t set high enough and sets the bar higher!). The holidays are about creating memories, not perfection. Whether your cookies turn out Instagram-worthy or not, the time spent baking them is what really matters, and this is what your family will remember.
3. Ask for Help
Perfectionists often try to do everything themselves, but delegating doesn’t mean you’re failing; it’s actually a strategic idea. Having more to help means you can focus on less, and you can pick the tasks that are the most meaningful to you. Others may enjoy contributing to the holiday gathering, and it could make meaningful connections between you and your helpers.
We’re human; none of us are meant to tackle tasks alone. Ask family members to help with cooking or decorating, or let guests bring a dish to share for holiday meals. If wrapping gifts feels like a daunting chore, consider enlisting help from a friend or using gift bags instead. Delegating doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re allowing others to contribute to the joy of the season.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
If (when?) things don’t go as planned, remind yourself that it’s okay. Try to prevent slipping into self-criticism with “should” statements (I should have planned more; I should have worked harder) or global statements (I’m awful at hosting; I’ve ruined the holiday). Mistakes and imperfections are part of life, and others aren’t holding the same standards in their minds as you are in yours.
Practicing self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. If you burn the cookies or forget to send a card, remind yourself that it’s okay; you’re human.
5. Take Breaks to Recharge
Holiday perfectionism often leads to burnout. Between shopping, planning, cooking, and hosting, it’s easy to feel like you have no time to rest, but recharging is very important for your mental health. Schedule time to rest and recharge, whether it’s by taking a walk, reading a book, or simply sitting quietly with a cup of tea. When you take care of yourself, you’re better able to enjoy the season.
The holidays are meant to be a time of connection, joy, and reflection, not a test of how perfect you can make them. By letting go of the need to do everything flawlessly, you create space for what truly matters: spending time with loved ones, cherishing small moments, and celebrating in a way that feels authentic to you.
It’s easy to get caught up in how things look (beautifully wrapped gifts; a perfectly set table), but the people in your life care more about spending time with you than about how things look. Focus on the connections you’re building, not the presentation. This holiday season, give yourself the gift of letting go. Release the pressure to meet impossible standards, and embrace the imperfections that are part of the human experience. You might just find that by stepping back from perfection, you open the door to a holiday filled with more peace, joy, and meaning than ever before.