by: Cassandra M. Faraci, Psy.D.
As the year winds down, many adults feel more stressed but not always from what’s external to them. Often, the pressure builds from the inside: expectations, comparisons, and silent worries that pile up under the surface.
It’s common to feel tense, tired, or overwhelmed this time of year. Here are three common internal pressures that can show up in November and what you can do about them.
Perfectionism: “Everything has to be just right.”
The holidays often bring out our inner perfectionist. We want the gatherings to be harmonious, the house to look picture perfect, the food to impress, and the year to end with everything neatly completed. But when “making things nice” turns into “making things perfect,” stress, irritability, anxiety, and guilt can follow.
Perfectionism often hides beneath good intentions. However, the cost is high: striving for flawlessness can make it difficult to enjoy the moment, connect authentically, or accept help from others. Even small hiccups like a burnt dish, a delayed shipment, or a disagreement can feel like personal failures.
Psychologically, perfectionism feeds a cycle of unrealistic expectations and self-criticism. The more we push ourselves, the more pressure we feel to maintain control and the less joy and flexibility we experience. Over time, this can lead to exhaustion, resentment, or symptoms of anxiety and depression.
Try this instead:
- Aim for “good enough.” Remind yourself that connection, not perfection, is what people remember most.
- Set priorities. Decide what truly matters to you this season and what can be skipped.
- Delegate and accept help. Allow others to contribute, even if they do things differently.
- Practice self-compassion. Speak to yourself as kindly as you would to a friend.
When to reach out for support:
If perfectionism is keeping you up at night, leading to burnout, or making you feel like nothing is ever enough, it may be time to talk to someone. Therapy can help you reframe those internal standards (and actually adopt them as your own and believe them!) and find more balance.
Financial Worries: “How will I afford it all?”
Financial strain is one of the most common sources of holiday stress. Between travel, gifts, special events, and rising costs, many families find their budgets stretched thin during November and December. The cultural emphasis on generosity and abundance can make it difficult to set realistic spending limits, while social comparisons (both in person and online) can heighten feelings of inadequacy or shame.
These financial worries often lead to increased anxiety, tension in relationships, and even physical symptoms such as headaches, fatigue, or difficulty sleeping.
Try this:
- Set a realistic budget and communicate limits with loved ones.
- Replace expensive plans with experiences: game nights, walks, shared meals, or gratitude notes.
When to reach out for support:
If financial stress is causing arguments, sleepless nights, or constant worry, you may be dealing with more than budgeting concerns. Talking with a professional can help relieve that burden.
Reflection & Regret: “I didn’t do enough this year.”
As the year comes to an end, many people naturally reflect on what they’ve accomplished, what changes have occurred, and what did not get completed. This kind of reflection can be incredibly valuable because it allows us to pause, notice our growth, and realign our goals for the year ahead. But when reflection turns into harsh self-evaluation, it can easily morph into self-criticism and regret.
Thoughts like “I should have done more” or “I wasted time” often stem from unrealistic expectations, perfectionism, or social comparison. Scrolling through other people’s highlight reels or focusing only on what didn’t get done can distort reality and trigger sadness, frustration, or hopelessness. Instead of fostering motivation, this mindset can drain energy and diminish self-worth.
A healthier approach to reflection:
- Shift your question. Ask, “What did I learn about myself this year?” rather than “What didn’t I do?”
- Celebrate growth, not just achievements. Emotional resilience, stronger boundaries, or learning to rest all count as meaningful progress.
- Notice balance. Acknowledge both the challenges and the strengths you showed in meeting them.
When to reach out for support:
If reflection begins look like replaying mistakes, feeling stuck in guilt, or losing motivation for the future, it may be a sign of depression or burnout. Professional support can help you find perspective, reframe self-critical thoughts, and rebuild a sense of purpose heading into the new year.
You don’t have to face November’s internal pressures alone. Many people struggle with the same invisible weight, but with the right support, it can get lighter.
If you’ve been noticing more anxiety, sadness, or pressure to hold it all together, we’re here to help. Call us at (908) 883-4173 or visit www.AnxietyAndBehaviorNJ.com to schedule an appointment or consultation.