by: Cassandra M. Faraci, Psy.D.
From the outside, everything looks fine. Grades are strong. Performance is high. But internally, it’s anything but fine.
High-achieving students are often known for being driven, responsible, and motivated. They set high standards for themselves and are used to pushing through challenges. But over time, those same strengths can start to feel heavier. For many high-achieving students, and especially student athletes, performance can lead to pressure. And when that happens, anxiety often follows.
Instead of motivation, there’s pressure. Instead of satisfaction, there’s self-criticism. Instead of confidence, there’s a constant sense of “I need to do more” and “I’m not good enough.”
It doesn’t always look like anxiety from the outside. A student might spend hours on assignments not because they don’t understand the material but because nothing feels “good enough.” They may overthink, second-guess, or avoid starting altogether out of fear of getting it wrong (i.e., not performing to their standards). Their performance starts to feel like a measure of who they are. For student athletes, this pressure often shows up around sports performance. Practices, games, and competitions start to feel less like opportunities and more like tests. Mistakes feel bigger. Confidence and sense of self becomes tied to outcomes.
Internal thoughts shifts to: If I don’t perform well, what does that say about me?
Everything starts to feel like it matters too much. Over time, that pressure takes a toll. Students may still be achieving, but internally, they’re stuck in overdoing, being mentally exhausted, and becoming increasingly self-critical. They may become more irritable, more reactive, or more avoidant of things they once cared about.
The Cycle of Perfectionism
From a cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) perspective, perfectionism isn’t just “high standards.” It’s a cycle, and once it starts, it tends to reinforce itself. It often begins with a very high internal standard:
“I need to get this exactly right.”
That pressure creates anxiety. The task starts to feel more important yet more risky. From there, a few patterns tend to show up due to the perceived heightened importance:
- overthinking and second-guessing
- spending excessive time on work
- procrastinating to avoid getting it wrong
- seeking reassurance
Sometimes the student pushes through and performs well. But instead of building confidence, the brain learns:
“That only went well because I pushed this hard.”
The brain has made an association between success and unhealthy strategies (overthinking, excessive time on preparing, etc.), so the pressure to use those strategies again increases the next time.
Other times, the pressure leads to avoidance or underperformance, which reinforces a different belief:
“See? I can’t do this. I’m a failure.”
In some cases, it creates a protective mindset:
“I didn’t really try, so the outcome doesn’t reflect me.”
While this can protect self-esteem in the moment, it often leads to more avoidance over time, keeping the cycle going. If the student expects to perform poorly, not trying is protective because it reduces the risk that they will be seen as failures.
Then, over time, something more subtle begins to happen: Performance starts to feel like a measure of self-worth.
Instead of:
“I didn’t do well on this.”
It becomes:
“I’m incompetent.”
And when self-worth gets tied to performance, every outcome feels high stakes.
So the cycle continues:
High standards → anxiety → over preparation or avoidance → temporary relief → more pressure → impact on self-worth
How Can We Help?
This cycle is exhausting not because students aren’t capable but because everything starts to feel like it matters too much. And as self-worth becomes more tied to performance, students often become:
- more self-critical
- less confident
- more reactive to mistakes
- and more afraid to take risks
Over time, this can lead to burnout, anxiety, health issues, and avoidance of things they once cared about. The goal isn’t to eliminate standards but to break the cycle and loosen the connection between performance and self-worth. That means helping students:
- take action before things feel perfect
- recognize that perfection is a standard their mind creates, not a requirement for success
- understand that mistakes aren’t a sign of failure but where real learning happens
- tolerate discomfort without overcorrecting
- learn that who they are is not defined by how they perform
These are skills, and they can be learned. And because high-achieving students and student athletes are still showing up and still performing, this often goes unnoticed. From the outside, things look fine. By the time the pressure becomes noticeable, it has often already begun to take a toll on mental health.
Students and student athletes need space to learn that their worth isn’t defined by outcomes. They need to believe that anxiety before performance is normal, not dangerous. They need to realize that overthinking doesn’t improve performance but hinders it. Possibly most importantly, they need to internalize that “good enough” is often what allows consistency, confidence, and growth
If a student is constantly anxious about performance, stuck in their thoughts, or beginning to lose confidence despite strong ability, it may be time to look more closely. Support can help them maintain their drive without being consumed by pressure.
If you or a loved one are struggling with signs of perfectionism, we’re here to help.
Call or text us at (908) 883-4173 or visit www.AnxietyAndBehaviorNJ.com to schedule an appointment or consultation.
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